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Aug. 1st, 2006 | 02:51 pm
mood: creativecreative

I can’t take it anymore. I sit in a maze of cubicles at my office, and I have two guys sitting extremely close by that I want to strangle just a little bit. One, whom I share a wall with, taps and hums all day. I’m almost positive what he hums aren’t songs, just random long notes. Then to make his music complete he taps and drums all day. He used to have this plastic “rug” under his desk chair, but I got to work very early in the morning one day and took it, in hopes the tapping would muffle with the carpet. Nope. Then, a guy kitty corner to me, taps as well. Its more like heavy drumming with closed fists. Its like surround sound, all day long, tap tap-a-roo. I can’t take it anymore.

Moving on.

I really do miss sitting at home, at my computer desk, working on things, making CD’s, updating my journal . . . wow, that was a long sentence. I’m working towards a hopeful future for my computer and I at home.

So I’ve recently graduated with my 2 year degree (just a general AA). Now that I’m close to my four year, I have ants in my pants about starting my career. My main source of income comes from my office job (see user info), and its completely boring. There are so many things I would kill to do, and can explore a multitude of interests I have. On the surface, it appears that I have many different directions that can be exciting for me as a choice of long term work. However, these options get discarded very quickly for various reasons: won’t generate enough of a livable income, too competitive, not enough of a job market, etc. I feel like I’ll settle for a mediocre career and not chase something down that could be great for me to get into. Everything I’ve ever really wanted to achieve, I have, and got there by running full blast at it until I’m out of breath and satisfied. Lord knows I’ll do that with my career and job opportunities – so why the skiddish, freaked out attitude about it? What gives? Got me man.

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Friday on Five: Time to Play

Jul. 7th, 2006 | 04:06 pm
mood: contentcontent

1. When you were a child, what was your favorite game to play?
I liked to make up games with my best friend Jennie. We must have made up a million games, but I can only remember a couple of them. I used to love to pretend play. I liked making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I’d explain the whole process like I was being recorded for a food show. Wow . . . I was dork.

2. What is your favorite game to play right now?
I love chess. There’s this “Missing” computer game I bought that’s a solve the mystery sort of a thing, but I got stuck.

3. Can you share a good story about playing with others or yourself?
Let’s see . . . a good story about playing with myself . . . that’s sounds kind of funny. Anyway, the only really good stories I have are my days of soccer. I still play soccer, and started when I was 8. I remember this one game, it was during a tournament, and it had rained pretty hard in the very early morning before our game. I was playing left fullback (defense) and was back by my goalie, Ruth. Were talking about how nice we looked in our just washed jerseys, and that we better try to keep them clean so our parents don’t go nuts on us. Her goalie box was mud, no grass, so she had to be very careful. I walked up to half field, with my team who was carrying the ball at the time. I got distracted some how and missed a play. The next thing I knew there was a striker from the other team making a break for the goal. By the time I looked up and darted towards her, she was too far down the field. I managed to catch up to her, but she took a far shot way outside the box, which I wasn’t expecting. I think she knew I was on her heels and wanted to at least get a shot off before I caught her. Ruth, in her newly washed, shining uniform and gloves, couldn’t get her body over the goal in time and had to dive for the save. Well, she saved the ball, lol. She slid the whole length of the goal, and caked herself in mud. It was hilarious. I was supposed to take the kick after the save but couldn’t stop laughing. Ruth said, “I can’t wait till you get it.” About 15 minutes later, one of my teammates passed me the ball. The ground was so slick that the ball picked up a lot of speed. I couldn’t finish the pass in time, and ended up sliding to keep the ball from going out of bounds. Watery mud went all over my cleats, freshly cleaned socks, up my shorts, and soaked my undie-pants. My toushy was so cold the rest of the game, but at least Ruth felt better about being caked with mud too. So much for keeping clean. I still have a picture of her and I after that game. We Won 2 to 1.

4. What do you do for fun now?
Travel. I love to travel. This year, I’ve been to D.C. and St Charles IL. D.C. was so cool. It was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken. I went to the Cayman Islands a couple years back and that was amazing. I would love to go back to both. I’m planning on going on another trip to Seattle later this year. I love to read for fun too. I can almost forget where I am and everything around me if I’ve got a good book. I love the zoo, or greenhouses. I just like to take advantage of what I have around me in my city: great art, theater, and food.

5. If you were able to invent a game, what would you call it?
As I wrote before, I did invent games when I was growing up. We even named them. Of course I can’t remember. I think one was called Olympic Gymnast Jane. Don’t ask.

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5 Questions

May. 15th, 2006 | 02:18 pm
location: At Work
mood: calmcalm

Some fun questions I snagged from Five on Friday:

1) Who was your first kiss (your mom does not count)?
Um, crap. I think I probably got a few grade school kisses, but my first real kiss was I think from my first boyfriend - Mike Storlie. We dated when I was 15 and 16. He was kind, and nice. And no - we didn't go all the way. We didn't have any kind of sex. He was respectful of what I wanted.

2) What is your idea of the perfect date?
It's nice when you get to talk for a little bit, find out each others interest before the date. For my first date, I would love some asian food (the good stuff), and an activity that my date thought would fit my interest (and of course something he would enjoy too). Nothing athletic though, I don't want to sweat and be stinky on a first date. Maybe a museum, drive-in movie, a nice walk down a fun street with some cool looking shops to poke into, a play, hand painting project, local band, fund-raising activity . . . I dunno. I do need to be attracted to him too, otherwise the date butterflies just don't work. I hate when I don't get walked to the door at the end of the night. I like gentlemen behavior. I like to be in control for the first kiss too. To me, the girl should always make the move, as a sign of respect. I once had a guy tell me, lol, that when he walked me to the door he just knew he wasn't going to get a kiss or asked inside at all by the look on my face and the goodnight prompt. We did end up dating for about eight months. About two months into it, I asked him why he didn't go for the kiss on the first date, and we laughed about it. The way he used to tell the story just made me crack up. He'd always tell me, he said to himself in his head, "Yup. She's not gonna kiss me. I'm not even gonna try, or ask. It's hopeless." I always give a verbal clue so that the guy doesn't expect anything. I've had the awkward turn and kiss the cheek and that's no good. I'd rather have something to laugh at later.

3) What music needs to be on when you are “getting your thang on”?
I don't need music. Sometimes it turns me on more . . . come on - who really has time to stop the heavy making out and throw in a CD. Screw the CD, just go at it!!!

4) What is the most amazing experience you’ve ever shared with a partner?
This is going to sound sooo cheesy, but the best experience is when they become your best friend and your boyfriend.

5) Sex is best saved for: love, marriage, alcohol, days that end in “y”?
Sex to me is a way to let the person know your with how you feel. It's how you share emotions you can't say, and be intimate on all levels with them. Once you find a person and get to that point, then the sex can be kinky and fun. It can be to try new things, and to keep finding new ways to turn each other on and make it something hot. When you get to a point with each other and your bodies, at that level . . . it can't be anymore perfect then that.

Okay, now I can't stop thinking about sex. Great.

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As You Wish

May. 9th, 2006 | 11:28 pm
mood: sleepysleepy
music: None, Just Quiet

A LJ Friends' Request:

1) Looking at your life right now, what is the one thing lacking, and how can that which is lacking come to pass? It's lacking time to myself. I'm always on the go, overworking myself with homework, classes, both jobs, playing soccer, and trying to see my family and friends. I don't take care of myself on the inside, or slow down and pay attention to myself. I've been working on getting better at that for a while now. I'm a lot better then I used to be. The only way it'll pass is time and learning new habits.

2) When are you happiest? When I accomplish something that's important to me. I don't do that as often as I'd like to, and when I do I don't take the time to slow down and give myself credit.

3) When are you most sad/depressed? When I let myself down. I set expectations, some are reasonable, and others are unrealistically high.

4) What are 3 things you want to do in life before you die? Geez. The most important thing to me is how I treat other people. At the end of the road, its not what you did or how much money you made, its who you touched (for me anyway). I want to make the most positive influences to as many people as I can while I'm here. I'd like to ideally be in a career setting that allows me to fulfill at least some of that.

5) What are 5 short term goals for yourself? Finish my AA (2 classes to go). Take care of my physical health until I'm actually feeling healthy. Move into a new atmosphere by the end of the summer. See my grandparents on my mothers side before the end of the year. Do at least two networking to do's per month for my career.

6) What are the top 3 priorities in life to you? Taking care of yourself, be involved in healthy relationships, and making an impact on as many people as I can while I'm around.

I think I'll print and post the short term goals somewhere so that I read them everyday.


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Big Week For Me

Feb. 15th, 2006 | 09:16 am
mood: calmcalm
music: None

Look who's updating her journal. I have some big exciting changes since I last wrote:

1) I bought a 2005 brand new Chevrolet Colorado (truck). The payments are a little high, but I absolutely love my truck, and couldn't imagine not having it now that I do.

2) I started spring semester, my last full time semester. After this semester all I need is 2 classes for my degree. I'm a little sad my college career is coming to a close.

3) I put together a raise proposal for my boss at my office to review and discuss with me. I'm very nervous. I should be excited because I deserve the raise and will probably get it, but she hasn't sent me an invite to a meeting for it. I'm very nervous - cross your fingers for me.

4) I started working out every other day. I used to work out all the time, but then I got ill and had to make sure I wasn't doing anything that would run myself down. So it's been very fun to be back at the gym and working out.

5) I had a mono relapse and this week is my first week back in the swing of things from being at home for two weeks. I have so much to catch up on and a huge exam this Friday. I love all my classes this semester though.

I hope to write more again soon. I have been writing song lyrics for a friend who composes I'd like to post and get comments on too.

On the flip side . . . .

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Dec. 14th, 2005 | 10:12 am
mood: chipperchipper

Hot coco and teriyaki beef jerky - breakfast of champions. I'm sure my breath smells oh so kissable.

Anyway, I haven't updated in a while. I have two jobs now: my regular office job, and I'm representing Clinique at a department store. Boring office job that pays the bills - check. Fun job for extra cash - check. Finals are this week for my college, and I have a ton of christmas shopping going on. I have been trying to read others' entries and commenting. Today is my last day of exams, so I will be glued to the computer here after. (At least until spring semester, lol.)

I just wanted to say a few important comments. Some of you may have noticed already, that I have been editing some of my older entries from October and November. I had some stressful times and I was quite upset for a while there. I just wanted everyone to know that all the support and comments I have received may be deleted, but will never be forgotten. I appreciated everyones comments on here, as they were a big help to me. A big THANK YOU. Please watch my journal for updated entries (as I'm still in the process of editing) and feel free to comment.

Happy Holidays.

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This Last Weekend.

Nov. 14th, 2005 | 12:41 pm
mood: embarrassedembarrassed

So I haven't talked to this guy, Jeff, in about 8 months. I called him up Thursday out of the blue, just to see how he was doing. He's always had a crush on me and has always been really sweet. He would do anything for me and I really want to be friends with someone like that. He just happened to be having a b-day/house warming keg party Friday. So I went. Had a good time, and it was getting late. I was pretty tipsy, and since Jeff's room was on the main floor, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with 30 people right out the door, I went upstairs. I fell asleep in Jeff's roommates bed, which his roommate said he'd sleep on the couch. He ended up crawling in bed with me, and cuddling. Nothing else happened. Jeff, who I'm kind of interested in saw us in there though. I talked to him the next day and he believes me. His roommate was honest too. So that was taken care of. I hung out with Jeff again the next night, Saturday. His older sister was having a house warming party, she just bought a new house. Long story short, too much drinking = me throwing up on the bathroom door cause I couldn't get in (someone was in there and I couldn't hold it). Up chuck on the floor, on the door, on my face (very attractive). By the time I came out, Jeff had cleaned up. He went home and I slept in bed with him, and we didn't cuddle, just crashed. So now I can't stop replaying that totally embarrassing moment I had in front on him. I text messaged him yesterday, apologizing, and thanking him for taking care of me. I haven't heard from him. He did work though, and didn't get any sleep over the weekend. Is this a bad sign? Has anyone else been this completely embarrassed and still got a phone call back? I mean could I be more of an idiot? I must say, on the way home after my "run in with the door" he got pulled over. His DL is suspended and now he has a court date. So that's pretty embarrasing too, right? I mean he didn't have puke on his face or anything. Every time I think about it, I just want to die!!! Holy crap, someone comment and make me feel better.

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What Just Happened?!?!?!?

Nov. 4th, 2005 | 10:01 pm
mood: hothot
music: 80's Hits

So, my bestest favorite friend calls me up and wanted to hang out, but I had dinner plans (this is tonight). So I said I'd call her later. I called an ex that I'm still really good friends with, and really cool with, and have a fun time with. My best friend has this tumor that keeps growing back in her leg so she can't stand for very long, so she feels bad going out with me cause she has to sit a ton. So I called my ex, cause they've hung out a couple times and have fun too (what can I say, he's a fun guy) and asked if he would hang out with her and I sometime, maybe tomorrow night. That way I would get her to go out and not feel bad. He's got a crazy cousin he always hangs out with too, so it would be fun to go out, the 4 of us. Some where between getting her to go out . . . . her and him are heading to a bar together, to hang out . . . alone. What just happened? That's not what I meant. I'm sort of laughing at the whole thing, I'm not upset. I think he thought I meant I wanted him to take her out??? Then I foolishly thought by default, I was going along, then realized I wasn't invited. Even though I invited them both to hang out with me. WHAT JUST HAPPENED??? (I'm really laughing here.) Wait wait!! That's . . . not . . . what, I meant. Has anyone ever had something like this happnen? Seriously.

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An email I wrote to update a friend . . .

Nov. 2nd, 2005 | 12:13 pm

How have things been? I hope you enjoyed Halloween, although I'm not sure if you do anything special to celebrate. Mine wasn't too bad. I went over to my parents house to pass out candy, and then I got my privileges revoked. The first little trick or treater was probably about 4, and she had the cutest little bad girl outfit on, and she was so adorable. She sort of whispered "trick of treat" cause I don't think she quite understood what she was supposed to be doing. Then she held out her little orange pumpkin bucket, and it had one piece of candy in it, and it was broken!!! So I gave her about 1/3 of our bowl of candy, and then she smiled SOOO cutely at me and said thank you. Then I turned around and my parents laughed at me. They said if I keep falling for that routine, they won't have any candy left after 5 treaters. So I wasn't allowed to pass out the candy. Aww well. I went to a costume party with some friends of mine after a while. I was Heidi from Tool Time, remember that show? With Tim the Tool Man Talyor? I even had the Binford logo on my shirt. I went all out!! I had a tool belt that drove me nuts the whole night - it was so heavy. I had a lot of fun though.

Other then that, I don't have too many updates. I've been trying to network myself with my choice of career path, but it's been a little difficult. Of course I'll keep at it. Then I applied for a couple positions, just something fun I've always wanted to do for some extra cash. I hope I get a call back soon. If not, I'll just keep bugging them until I get an interview. :)

I just planned a long weekend trip with my mother. Not my choice of a travel companion (we can get pretty ruthless with each other sometimes), but most of the time we get along pretty well. I'm going to visit my grandparents (her parents). I have an aunt and uncle I'll probably spend some time with too that live next door from my grandparents. So I'm excited for that. It will be nice to get away. Although, I eat chinese/thai about 4-5 times per week, so I'll probably go through with-drawls since my grandparents and family don't eat much of that.

Anywho!!! I hope your having a good week, and that you have something fun your looking forward to for the coming up weekend.

Hope to hear from you soon . . . .


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Happy Halloween!!!

Oct. 31st, 2005 | 01:29 pm
mood: satisfiedsatisfied

Things are stable. I thought I'd write a few fun/good things.

I carved pumpkins yesterday with my mom and my brothers 6 year GF. We had fun, and we toasted the pumpkin seeds and ate them. It was tasty.

I really had a blast the other day working on my ceramics projects. I'm making two 15"-18" sculptures for my Aunt's house. I'm excited because the project isn't restricted to the type of form or anything. I think I'll start taking some pictures of my artwork so I have them on file. There's an art fair/show coming up at my college. I've been asked to display some things and maybe sell a few pieces. That would be cool if some of my artwork sold. I made this cute candleholder (for a tall candle) with a saucer and a ring to put your finger through. It was just for fun. It's a really old school "light" people used to use in the middle of the night and stuff. It's really cool, and I like how it turned out. I'll probably make a few to give away.

I'm never at my apartment anymore. I miss it. Groceries keep going bad and the place needs to be dusted. I've been crashing at various friends’ houses, and ____'s house too. I just absolutely hate driving tired. I hate it. I really want to spend some time at my own place this week. I live alone though, so it's a little lonely. Maybe that's my problem. I guess I'll have to start getting used to that feeling again (not having someone around all the time). I hate getting used to that. Once I get there though, it's not that bad.

Here’s a cool quiz in spirit of the holiday, Geek or Killer? . I got 6 out of 10 correct.

All in all I’m doing pretty good. I’ve been trying to get a few interviews to work somewhere really fun while I don’t have to devote myself to a career yet. I’m excited for that too. It’s hard to balance being a student and finishing at a successful pace, and working full-time.

Things are a little lonely, and I get antsy, but I’m good. I hope everyone else is.

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